...Kisses from a Twisted Dreamer...

22 January 2009 @ 11:52 pm

I AM MOVING.
please add my new livejournal account
click on to the link to head to my LJ.
THANK YOU! :D

http://happiness16.livejournal.com

Tags: 16, happiness, livejourna, new account

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22 January 2009 @ 11:43 pm

MOVING LIVEJOURNAL ACCOUNTS. :D

I AM MOVING.
please add my new livejournal account.

http://happiness16.livejournal.com

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10 December 2008 @ 11:37 am

Absent? Try this Excuses! :))

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Excuses. Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed withgramps.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Please excuse my son from school yesterday, he has gangrene and cock itch.
I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today because his hormones are raging.
Oh, sorry [teachers name], the cafeteria food made me delirious.
My sister ate my homework... (I don't really recommend you to use it.)
"I was going to go to school today, but my doctor recommended not doing anything that causes me stress."
Molly will not be attending school today because her fish died and we'replanning the flushing.
Please excuse my tardiness, My Mother took Drugs while she was pregnant with me.
Jones wanted to come to school, but he's busy playing games (parent's name)
I could not do my homework as my house burnt down and i managed to save everything except my homework.
Please excuse Cori from school today, she claims to have a disease from over exposure to homework, and needs to start chemo therapy.
Please excuse Jordan from school forever, because she has some weird disease called freckles.
I have anal glaucoma-- I don't see my ass coming to class today.
Alex had constipation and exploded at breakfast. We have stitched him back together now.Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Grabbed from my "LING" --- OPALEA! :))

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27 November 2008 @ 12:06 am

I thought you said he's a decent guy?

Great words from my person, Chester Ng. Hahaha. :))

"So.. I thought you said he's a decent guy? If he's a smart guy, he will like you.. No.. He will love you. If he's a jerk, he will just try to sleep with you and ask you to move to a foreign country to settle down and talk dirty to you online." -Chester Ng 11/26/08 1:59pm

He kinda has point, huh? :P

"All the mistakes i never wanted to make came in a cherry-popping package."

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22 November 2008 @ 11:48 am

My Top 15 Filipino Love Teams of All Time (Part II:D

10. Romnick Sarmenta & Sheryl Cruz

Romnick and Sheryl were a crowd favorite in their younger years. Sheryl was the baby faced girl and Romnick was the 'totoy' look. Even their complexion complemented one another. They were always fun to watch even as just extra love teams in movies. They had teeny boppers going 'kilig' to their sudden burst out of songs in the middle of the movie (everyone knows it was fad in the early 90's movies).

9. Dina Bonnevie & Alfie Anido

Dina and Alfie appeared together first in Tempation Island. I know it sounds like a rip-off of that American tv series but this movie was shown in the 1980's. Dina was a hot and sexy upcoming actress and Alfie was a matinee idol. Can't they look anymore better? I guess their love team ended early due to Alfie's sudden death. If only he lived longer, I am sure we could have witnessed more from this controversial love team.

8. Nora Aunor & Tirso Cruz III

They are the Philippines #1 Love Team of All time (this list is just on my own preference that's why they are number 8, but statistically speaking, they are one of the greatest pairs). GUY AND PIP. Come on. They were making movies even before anything on television or cinemas were colored. They made love team history. During their time, nothing beat their movies. They were on top. Tons of cheesy songs and cheesy movie titles but hey, they had it going. Anything goes between the two of them and anything they did, SOLD.

7. Mikee Cojuanco & Aga Muhlach

Aga and Mikee, they are seriously the BABY FACE COUPLE. I know Aga has never had a real love team partner but it when he was paired with Mikee in FOREVER, they really appealed to me. Even though there were moments when Mikee would seem TALLER than Aga, they looked cute. I like them and it's my list so I say they're my number 7. Haha. :))

6. Sharon Cuneta & Gabby Concepcion

Dear Heart--that was the cheesy title that debuted this adorable couple. Everyone loved them. Our grandparents, parents, titas, titos, ates, kuyas, maybe you too. They exuded TEEN romance in the 80's, they looked so good together that their offspring is a proof of it. Today, they say KC Concepcion paired with Richard Gutierrez would be the next Sharon and Gabby. I DON'T THINK SO. KC may be the daughter of these two beautiful people, but she can never remake the beautiful chemistry Sharon & Gabby made on screen back then.

I'll put up my top 5 pairs in the next post because

one thing I learned in Multiply is...

to never post too long. Haha. :))

I hope you're enjoying it so far. :P

*Ate Lei, ang mga inaantay mo, abangan mo! Haha. :))

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19 November 2008 @ 10:39 am

My Top 15 (Part I)

For those who know me well knows that I'm very fond of old Filipino movies and shows. I'm not sure if this is the impact of my titas and my mom on me or maybe we just had too much access of these movies on cinema one back then, but nevertheless I enjoy watching old movies.

People would usually laugh when I say that one of my favorite movies of all time is Vilma and Tonton's "Saan Nagtatago ang Pagibig" (Si Val, si val, palagi nalang si Val... ) but its usually the truth. I find old filipino movies memorable because they have great stories and wonderful plots. They're not mainstream like movies of today, and they had superb acting too.

Maybe if you would think about it today, you'd say "Ang jologs ko." but come on. For those people my age and older, I'm sure you'd understand because it was like a big faze in the 90's where everyone had to be paired up with someone. I'm not going to deny, I still am a sucker for love teams especially those who have good chemistry, like Dingdong-Marian love team.

I don't remember all the love teams back then but I remembered my all time favorites. Here are my top 15 favorite love teams of all time. :)

15. Gardo Versoza and Rita Avila

I don't appreciate their love team NOW, but way back in their Machete days, I enjoyed watching those two. I know the movie has a dirty impact on us nowadays, but it really wasn't a dirty movie. It just got related to Gardo Versoza showing off too much body. After Machete, these two got paired up in dozens of movies after, until now, they still get paired up for teleseryes.

14. Carmina Villaroel and Rustom Padilla

I forgot the title of the movie they were in, but I remeber the story of that movie. it was a Romeo and Juliet kind of thing. They were both young and adorable, before Rustom wanted to wear Carmina's clothes. They were lovable and irrisistable. Perfect match because they both had that baby face going on. They did get together but eventually broke up which was a surprise to everyone.

13. Rico Yan and Claudine Barretto

They didn't look good together at first, they didn't. But they're the kind of couple that grows on you. The kind that after seeing them a while makes you realize they kinds look cute together (or maybe Rico Yan was cute enough for the both of them). They also both pulled off the "kawawa" look, TOGETHER. Not much can do that. So props for this two. I really liked Got to Believe, Rico pulled off funny as usual, as for Claudine, well, she did okay (whenever I got my eyes off her SUDDENLY huge breast implants).

12. John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo

They're still going strong, I think. I mean their love team. I don't FOLLOW their love team, just watch occasional movies. So far, I like it. They are funny and I'm a sucker for funny duos. They compliment each other well and they've been partnered for so long that it's kind of hard to imagine them with someone else now. If Sarah Geronimo wasn't darn funny, she and John Lloyd wouldn't have made a movie work.

“I love being with her…
I love making her laugh…
I love seeing her smile…at me.” - John Lloyd on Bea

11. Kristine Hermosa and Jericho Rosales

Yes, I liked them. I watched FOREVERMORE over and over again. They were before Bea and John. They were a power love team in the late 90's. Echo and Kristine were the greatest. They cried, laughed, ran and danced together. They could have had a segment where they just rolled over and over and it would have clicked just as long as they rolled TOGETHER. Seriously. They kinda set a high standards for love teams after them. If they were paired up today, they'd be against GMA's Marian and Dingdong.

I'll put up the CLASSICS in PART II. This post might get too long if I post it in one post eh. The greater ones are in the top ten. Hahaha. :D

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18 November 2008 @ 10:26 am

If I Were A.... PSP.

I grabbed this one from Lauren.

I can relate to this one. :|

I am dropping names. Joey was like this.

Boy, does he love that PSP more than anything.

Anyway. Here it is.

"If I were a PSP Gadget..." by PT (11.18.08)

~ You would panic if I suddenly stop functioning. (He even joined a forum to ask what to do when it wouldn't work.)

~ You would take care of me so I wouldn't get scratches.

~ You would worry if you lost sight of me. (You'd search for me.)

~ You would buy me things so that I'd be more interesting and cool. (He'd always be downloading new games.)

~ Then, you'd be satisfied. (He can go for hours not talking to me because of THIS)

~ You would show me off to your friends. (And though at one point, he had my picture as a wallpaper, i think he was still more attached to the psp)

~ You would go ballistic if I'm harmed. (Did i mention he joined a forum?)

~ You would take me anywhere. (He does, Always putting it in his pocket.)

~ You would not worry so much if you want to get rid of me.

~ You would always hold me and protect me.

~ You would always look at me. (Hours playing with it.)

~ You would be sensitive to my needs and to the things harmful to me.

~ You would not tune me out.

~ You would get restless without me.

But then.. When you find something better than me, you would replace me.

At the end of this, it's kind of pathetic to realize that after being compared to a PSP, i still lose against an inanimate object.

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17 November 2008 @ 11:08 pm

Loving Rihanna and Chris Brown

OMG.

I loved Rihanna and Chris Brown's concert ♥

The BEST talaga. :))

Wala lang. Nakikisama lang sa madlang people. Haha. :))

Para kasing ang loser ko na di ako nakapanuod, halos lahat yata nanuod.

Lahat may albums about them, their concert and so on. Hahahaha. :))

So ayan, nagblog din ako about it.

Para mafeel ko ang CB (close kami eh) and Rihanna fever.

Ako lang ba ang loser na di nakapanuod ng concert nila? :D

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17 November 2008 @ 10:57 am

I'm a More Horrible Person than I was in June. :|

Okay, so I was looking through my blog and I saw this old blog of mine.

Last June I only got a total of 56. I decided to see how much horrible i've become more now and sooo......

Total the number of things in each list you've done.

No need to say which ones if you dont want to. If people really want to know they will message you.

1. smoked
2. consumed alcohol
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5. kissed someone of the same sex
6. had sex
7. had someone in your room other than family
8. watched porn
9. bought porn
10. done drugs

Total:

1. taken painkillers
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house
6. done something illegal.
7. cut yourself.
8. hurt someone
9. wished someone to die.
10. seen someone die.

Total:

1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. been to rehab.
6. dyed your hair.
7. received a ticket.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar.

Total:

1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than four beers in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything.
6. wore black nail polish.
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.

Total:

1. dressed Gothic.
2. dressed prep.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbor.

Total:

1. snuck into someone else's room.
2. had a crush on your friend.
3. been to a concert.
4. dry-humped someone.
5. been called a slut.
6. called someone a slut.
7. installed speakers in your car.
8. broken a mirror.
9. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
10. brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.

Total:

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.

Total:

1. owned/rented an apartment.
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf.
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger.
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10. been verbally harassed.

Total:

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5 hours straight.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drink and drive.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
10. cheated on a test.

Total :

Grand Total (as of 11-17-08)= 65

my numbers got switched from 56 to 65. Haha. Horrible.

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17 November 2008 @ 05:02 am

Daddy's Rules for Dating. :)) (Application form included)

I got this one from Trixia Eugenio. Absolutely funny. HAHAHA. :))

Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're surely not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME _____________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ____________
HEIGHT ________ WEIGHT _________ IQ __________ GPA _________
SOCIAL SECURITY #______________ DRIVERS LICENSE #____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________
______
HOME ADDRESS_____________________________________________________
CITY/STATE ____________________________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _______________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married _________________________________

If less than your age, explain:
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? ____________
mother? ___________
pastor? ____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
____________________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
____________________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
____________________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

__________________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/ Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).

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13 November 2008 @ 12:52 pm

Ann's List of Suggested MUST-HAVE Emoticons in YM :)

Okay, so every time I chat with someone, I'm very expressive even just on YM. I use tons of smileys or emoticons, if people notice it. Hahaha. :))

Somehow, while talking to my friend, I realized how much more emoticons the yahoo messenger needs for people like me.

Here are some of my suggested emoticons:

Emoticon who's crying on a wall and sliding down against it: Cheska suggested this one for me. :P

Emoticon crying under the shower: again another for those crying afficionados.

Emoticon giving a french kiss: we all could use this one. HAHAHA! :))

Emoticon giving you the finger: for the angry people who can't express themselves.

Emoticon with the WHATEVER fingers: this is so common nowadays, very useful. :)

Emoticon slashing his wrist: its kinda morbid but its for the emo kids.

Emoticon holding his laughter: really useful, just so the person you talk to can visualize how you're holding in the laughter

Emoticon rocking the world: for special cases. HAHAHAHA. YOU KNOW WHAT! ;)

Emoticon popping cherries: joke purposes, or is it? show your lover just how much you want to pop cherries. =))

Emoticon growing corns: for corny jokes, corny people. CORN.

Emoticon getting smashed: for the MUSHY people. The emoticon could get squished but i'd rather be it smashed.

Emoticon whipping another emoticon: for the sadistic and masochistic people. they can be kinky as well.

There are also emoticons which i used before in other sites that are no longer available. Well, this is me wanting them back and them being made available in YM. Haha. :))

Emoticon smashing another emoticon's head with a chair: this is very useful after the Emoticon giving a finger. Perfect combination.

Emoticon bashing his head on the wall: that's a great one for frustrated people

Emoticon pulling another emoticon's hair out: for war-freak girls.

So there. That's my list so far!

Do YOU have any other emoticon's you might want to add? :)

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09 November 2008 @ 01:12 am

The Perfect Girlfriend

i got this from ate leila's site. :)

kinda hits home. haha. :))

What is a perfect girlfriend? They say there's no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn't exist.

Oh trust me, she does.

She dresses up all cute and pretty every time you take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping you interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and effort were put to waste.

You call her insecure.

She holds on to you like she's never letting you go. This is her way of telling other girls that she's lucky that she has you, and no, you're not available.

You call her clingy.

She calls you the sweetest nicknames, or ones that only you two will understand. This is her way of saying how special you are, and that there's nobody else in this world like you. You call other girls "babe" just as how you would call her, and she gets disappointed.

You call her shallow and jealous.

She checks up on you, making sure you made it home safely or that you're not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about you and that she worries constantly because that's how much she cares.

You say she's nagging.

She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying "That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU."

You call her overly sensitive and emotional.

She loves you more than you love her. This is her way of dealing with the fact that your relationship wasn't like how it used to be, but she is willing to make room for more love and some changes. You push her away.

You call her dramatic and annoying.

So go ahead. Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl.

She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her:the perfect boyfriend.

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23 October 2008 @ 12:44 pm

Jusef and Doray's 'Guide on How to Fail in Entering an 'Exclusive' Village.'

Taken from the "Adventures of Jusef and Doray."

So, me and Jusef went to this village so we could surprise a friend of mine, kind of a "spur-of-the-moment" thing. You know who you are na! Hahaha. And you now know that we successfully failed. :))

What is the difference of failing successfully and pathetically failing?

Pathetically failing- The idiot who knows nothing and fails.

Successfully failing- Knowing everything and fails.

From those definition and our gathered information, we have made a guide from our experience. We call it:

Guide To Successfully Fail in Entering an Exclusive Village.

This is uninvited, of course.

Before we start. You must know the following:

THE TARGET

Full names are best to know, most especially the family name. That's how you call residences (e.g. Reyes Residence). Not their nicknames or whatever.
Full address. You will have to know what places are near that village so you know if you are near it or not. Knowing places around it is an advantage. It'll be super hard going around villages. You will know later how I was able to say that. *If you can't seem to know the exact address, at least know how it looks like and the STREET where it is. WHY? You'll see.*
Possible people at home, at certain times. Again, explained later.
BONUS: The telephone number of the house of the target.

So, when you know, at least, all this three. You must now know your archenemy.

MANONG GUARD (M.G.)

He is antagonist in your story. The one who will be responsible for all the failure. He will be waiting for you, looking at you, watching your every move as if you are possibly going to blow the whole place up. DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED. Give the same response. Show him you are not scared.

Okay, now you are aware of these things. You must need to bring the following:

a. a COMPANION, willing to be there through thick and thin, which you have done favors for so he or she can not say no to you either. Someone who will not let cry in the corner of the village gate.

b. Comfortable shoes, do not wear heels. A lot of walking is going to happen.

c. Hand towels are necessary, if you sweat a lot, otherwise a handkerchief would do.

If you already have all this, then you can now start your adventure that will inevitably be destined for failure.

STEP1

Be sure that visiting your friend (or target) is only your second or last agenda, because if it isn't then you are bound to get some heartbreaking results later on. You will not accomplish anything at the end of the day.

ex: Going to get tickets at a certain place then visiting your friend (or target).

STEP 2

Now, if it's already your last agenda, make sure that you are coming from a place within the vicinity of the village. DO NOT GO SUPER OUT OF THE WAY, like from east to west. After all, this is a mission with unsure circumstances (and at most, failed circumstances).

ex: The certain place (from example one) is a few blocks away from the village.

*Oh for Pete's sake. I am assuming that when you knew the full address, you ATTEMPTED or TRIED to know HOW to go to that village. If not then, go home immediately. Try another day. That day is not meant for you.*

AFTER AROUND 10,000 STEPS

STEP 3

Go to the front entrance of the village. Bring out your cellphone, pretend to text while peeking under your eyelashes to see if there is an entrance for a person in the gate where the cars are going in and out of. If there is, then you have found the entrance way, if not, check the side of the gate. There may be a little door there, see if anyone comes out. If anyones DOES come out, then hellooo Entrance Way!

STOP HERE

By now, if you don't have a speck of what the address is, I know you are now thinking na "It'll be easy, how big can a village be? We can find it. (looking at your friend uncertainly)". I am telling you with the utmost certainty that, VILLAGES ARE BIG. IT WILL NOT BE EASY AND YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FIND IT UNLESS YOU ASK SOMEONE FROM AROUND THE PLACE (that is, if you are surpass the wrath of "Manong Guard").

Not knowing the address now, do no continue any further. Because if you don't even know the street then you will also have a problem when you reach...

STEP 4

The feeling of impeding failure is fast approaching as this is your first encounter with MANONG GUARD.

You are now behind enemy lines. This is how you deal with "He Who's Name is Not Known but MANONG GUARD".

a. Approach coolly, chat with your friend and laugh casually. ACT LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE.

b. He will then ask the name of the one you are going to visit. Say the name of the target. Full name and no nicknames.

c. When MG stops you and asks you where you are headed, this is where your knowledge of the address kicks in. You don't have to give the exact address. The street would be enough. Be confident when you say it. SMILE. Say the residence name for more proof. (this may interchange with letter b)

WARNING: M.G. may growl, scowl or bark at you.

The Evil Manong Guard will then try to give you 2 choises in which will either lead you into the fiery pits of hell. This is his Modo Superandi:

1. He will tell you that you should have gone the other gate because the your Target's House is nearer there. He may be right but he is tricky.

CATCH: He will not tell you that the security there is far tighter. And more Manong GuardS are waiting to prowl on you and your companion.

2. He will give you a choice, you can leave your ID with him and enter.

CATCH: You will have to walk the half hour back to the same gate to get your ID and exit there.

This is a crucial step in SUCCESSFULLY FAILING entering the village. Because there is a 90% chance that you would choose (or your friend would most likely BADGER you to choosing) CHOICE 1, blinded and dazed with the fact it's nearer but totally unaware of the danger waiting for you.

AFTER another 5,000 steps. You are now in the gates of hell. The Manong Guards are scrutinizing your every move.

CONGRATULATE YOURSELF. You are now in the last step.

STEP 5

Sweating hands. Those are what will you have. But still do not forget the drill, bring out your cellphone once again. Laugh again. Pretend that you didn't walk for about half an hour under the scorching sun, that goes for your companion too. Practice lines with your companion while walking casually toward the gate, he or she must also know what to say.

Of course, you wouldn't be able to walk instantly up to the gate, you would wait around for a bit. hiding behind the tall ferns and discussing your strategy plans (or whatever with your companion)

As you approach The MAIN MANONG GUARD (He's the one in the guard house). All the other Manong guards will look at you while you converse with their LEADER. You will stay behind the gates bar as if you are a peasant begging to be let in into a castle. To them your existence is an abomination to their duties. DEAL WITH IT.

They will have 3 questions as you hold the bar gates full of hope. And the following answers will lead to the failure.

1. Who are you looking for?

Answer: Name of Target, Residence Name (you are still looking good here)

2. What do you need?

Answer: Scratch you forhead, smile at your companion uneasily and give the lamest excuse you've come up with within the 5,00 steps you took from the front gate to THIS gate,

"Uhm.. We're hoping to just visit. It was supposed to a surprise."

*In this answer, he will start squinting his eyes at you. Seeing your potential to blow up the whole damn village*

3. What is the phone number of the house?

This is the tricky part. If you ask why, so that the house can know you are coming.

TAKE NOTE: HE WILL NOT EFFING KNOW WHAT A "SURPRISE" MEANS. HE DOES NOT EFFING CARE.

Answer: Do not give the phone number even if YOU do know it. They do not know the household number because if they did, they would just call.

If you do give it to them, there is a possibility they they will call the household even if you've left. They will describe you and you will have to hide in a cave for a decade for that humiliation to be totally swallowed up by another shocking headline of Britney shaving her head.

After these three questions, he will still insist on calling the residence. Your knowledge of who is possibly in the house will save you.

DEFEAT IS IN. FAILURE STAMPED.

Admitting defeat: Tell him never mind and tell your companion loudly, enough for the LEADER MG to hear, that maybe you would just text your friend

Raising the white flag: Bringing out your cellphone and pretending to text your friend

Walking away from the battle: Smiling at the "LEADER MANONG GUARD" and walking away the gate while texting.

When you reach the corner, you breathe out a loud sigh.

Curse every guard and blame your friend for choosing this gate instead of the other.

To be safe, you will text your friend (if he/she is your friend, if he/she is just a target then you can just pray to all the saints that this will not reach their residence) to say you were supposed to visit them but freaked out with the security.

REMEMBER this in texting your friend: The sooner, the better.

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22 October 2008 @ 09:18 am

The Cabbie and the Nun. [old joke daw accdg. kay opalea (got it from her)]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and
notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't
stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't
want to offend you"

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as
I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I' m sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that -
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single
and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a

hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.

"My dear child, why are you crying?" asked the nun.

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going
to a Halloween party!"

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21 October 2008 @ 06:31 am

Nawtee nawteee.. >:D

Okay, soooo I was looking for quotes to put in my planner when I stumbled across this site with "NAUGHTY" quotes (innuendos, sex quotes, whatever. hahaha). Nakakatawa lang basahin. Here are some of those quotes:

Best believe me playboy when I lay with you; I got sixty nine ways to play with you.
I need to be licked from my head to my feet. To make a long story short, I need me a freak.
Im like a cupcake. The best way to enjoy me is to lick the top and eat the bottom.
Im like a Reeses peanut butter cup. There's no wrong way to eat me.
a Dick is like a rubix cube
the more you play with it
the harder it becomes
Each and every night
You gotta do it right
I want it nice and slow
Kiss me from head to toe
Relax and Let it g0
Whats your definition of dirty, baby?
What do you call pornography?
Don't you know
I love it until it hurts me, baby.
Don't you think its time you had sex with me?
Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue
the softer the bed the better the screw

Sorry for the explicit language.

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21 October 2008 @ 05:45 am

Why EDWARD CULLEN is soooo much betetr than a Normal Guy

Grabbed from Lauren. Thanks Lau! :)

Written by a girl named Angela:

A NORMAL GUY VS. EDWARD CULLEN

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack... but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward Cullen would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.

(“Well, I wasn’t going to live without you..” He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. “..but I wasn’t sure how to do it. I knew Emmet and Jasper would never help so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi.”)

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”

(He smiled my favorite smile. “Hurry back to me.”
“Always.”)

As you come back home, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back home, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.

(“I heard the music before I was out of the car. Edward hadn’t touched his piano since the night Alice left. Now, as I shut the door, I heard the song morph through a bridge and change into my lullaby. Edward was welcoming me home.’)

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.

(“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”)

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward Cullen only does it with one.

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.

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24 September 2008 @ 11:13 am

REMIX: Nursery rhymes meets 50 Cent, Destiny's Child, Spice Girls. Featuring UST Cheers too

Okay, so Ja, Jusef, Inyaki, Gelo, and Karee were writing a poem.

Singit kami ni christian. :))

Nabuo ang kalokohang ito. Sobrang gaguhan. HAHAHA.

Read. Enjoy. COMMENT.

*tell me kung bitin pa, gagawa kami ng the "REMIX II". hahaha!* :P

REMIX

Three blind mice, three blind mice

See how they run, see how they run

Why oh why, why are they running?

Maybe, maybe, maybe it’s their birthday!

So come on everybody,

Let’s greet them

A happy, happy, and another

Happy birthday!

Oopps they did it again

They run and run as fast as they can

Down came the sun and dried up all the rain

So their friend, the incy wincy spider went up the spout again.

Merrily, merrily Marilyn Monroe

Row, row, row, go tigers go!

Oh no! The mice has screamed

We are the tigers, the mighty, mighty tigers!

But, stop right now

Thank you, thank you very much

They actually need somebody with a human touch

Hey, hey, you, you, when is your birthday?

We’re gonna party like it’s your birthday!

So let’s get this party started,

`coz it’s 11:30 and the club is jumping, jumping, jumping jacks

So jack and jill went up the hill,

To fetch a pail of water,

And they live happily ever after!

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19 September 2008 @ 10:44 am

Every bitch had a guy like YOU once in their life.

God, how I loved you.

Now I'm not so sure how to pick things up again.

Because while I was loving every bit of you.

You were slowly breaking every piece of me.

Thank you for making me believe less in people.

I don't think i really there's anything left of a heart

anymore after what you did.

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14 September 2008 @ 11:50 am

Tips on how to write the BEST school paper EVER. hahaha. :))

Got this one from Carl. Hahaha. Ang funny! :D

sobrang bull's eye. :))

thanks carl. :D

HOW TO WRITE A SCHOOL PAPER.

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto YM (With the busy status!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Head out to the kitchen for some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

6. Text a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

10. You know, you haven't texted/YMed that old friend since fourth grade. You'd better do that now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3s off of LimeWire/BitTorrent.

13. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. YM/text with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans, block party).

15. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

16. Listen to your new mp3s and download some more.

17. YM/text your friend and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.

18. Drink some water.

19. Notice the old magazine in the kitchen. Read it.

20. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. Check you email too.

21. YM/text some people to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some Solitaire (Or Pinball).

23. Check out Yahoo.com

24. Wash your hands.

25. YM/text a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your blockmate's Multiply album of pictures from that party. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. Look over your online contacts on YM.

29. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt WHILE listening to your new mp3s.

30. Your PC/laptop just crashed, given too many open windows plus the mp3s playing. Reboot, and carry on.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. And you contacts on YM. No one’s online, yeah? But just look through them anyway.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and cut out of it so you can take a nap.

40. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

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14 September 2008 @ 11:42 am

Sir Bernard! A drunk chipmunk ate my homework. :|

I got this one from Lauren.I decided to try it out. It was fun.. :))
Why My Homework Is Not In On Time

Dear Mr. Tonggol,

I'm sorry my homework isn't ready, but it wasn't my fault!

This morning, a strange chipmunk crawled in through the window. It sneaked into the my bedroom where my books and homework were. I grabbed my Nintendo DS and threw it at the chipmunk but I missed and it grabbed my homework and ran into the music room. I yelled at it real loudly, but that didn't help, so I quickly put Strange and Beautiful on my stereo and turned the volume way up, hoping to scare it away. Instead, it started to hop around like it was dancing!. It hopped so wildly, it knocked a glass of vodka tonic off the coffee table and spilled it all over my homework. I guess the chipmunk really liked the taste of vodka tonic.

So, that's why homework isn't ready... that strange chipmunk ate it! I think a similar thing happened to Tin recently, so it must be a common problem here at UST.

Sincerely,

Rhodora Ann T. Agulto

http://www.discover-writing.com/madlib.html

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